Word of the Day (ahem Month)

Vim

noun, definition: life, something done

synonyms: passion, pep, oomph, vigor, strength, zing

"Where did I fail you? Where did I make my mistake?"

While being stuck at KCI, I thought it the perfect time to upload a video of Elizabeth in one of my favorite movies, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Goodness she was magnificent. Also, Paul Newman is the most beautiful man ever. Ever. So, no wonder this is such a pleasure to watch!

Happy Thursday! Just some things to brighten your day! And in part to remember Elizabeth Taylor, who to me, will always be the epitome of radiating beauty. Oh, and if you have been dropping by, continue to do so please, I shall be making many, many updates in the next few days. Exciting, I know.

Maybe, in the future, you're going to come back, you're going to come back to me. Oh, the only way to really know, is to really let it go..."

"Life is totally fair. We just see it unfair because it's either we expected too much, or we gave up already."

-Gilda Radner

"We're all at war with ourselves, that's what it means to be human. The trick is figuring out how to be on the winning side."

"No one can change a person, but someone can be a person's reason to change."

"Take chances, take a lot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn to grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel, always. Be you, and be okay with it."

"If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business. We'd be too cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down."

"To be a good human being is to have a kind of openness to the world, an ability to trust uncertain things beyond your own control, that can lead you to be shattered in very extreme circumstances for which you were not to blame. That says something very important about the condition of the ethical life: that it is based on a trust in the uncertain and on a willingness to be exposed; it's based on being more like a plant than like a jewel, something rather fragile, but whose very particular beauty is inseparable from that fragility."

"Well I'm satisfied, I wrinkle my nose, smelling my skin, smoke stained clothes. I'm in for it, there's no end to this."

I know I should probably apologize for being a negligent blogger. But I’m not going to. You know why? Because this is my blog and if I want to update once a year on every third Sunday of March then that’s just the way it’s going to be! I know that sounds obnoxiously selfish but it really isn’t. I know people just want me to update because they enjoy reading this, but maybe I’m not as full of interesting thoughts as you all think. Maybe I’m just a little preoccupied trying to figure out my measly little life without ripping my hair out that I don’t feel qualified to write about, well, anything. Perhaps that’s what the attraction is, the “oh hey look, here’s this girl who is trying to figure it all out, and actually thinks she is on to something, but she is really just as confused and screwy as the rest of us.” And if that’s the case, well then , I don’t blame you!

Majority of the time I do have a very good grip on reality. I engage in a state of tranquility whenever possible and avoid the crazies in life (unfortunately there are troves of them left and right, so its quite exhausting). I’ve come to understand and accept rejection and, even though it still stings when it occurs, the pain is only temporary and I’ve learned not to take it personally. Most of the time. OK, so its a work in progress. Point being, I have learned a lot. I have handled most things as a mature grownup would and I do tend to stay at peace even when everything around me is going to shit. Sometimes though, it gets to be too much. Sometimes I can’t handle all of it and sometimes I need to be reminded of the point of it all. I really wish I could blog as so many of you have been pestering me to. “And not pictures, but an actual blog post.” Well, truth is, if I actually wrote all that I’ve been thinking it would translate into the most frazzled, frightening collection of words and emotions. You really don’t want to read about anything that I’m thinking; I’m fresh out of cohesive thoughts, dwindling on advice and on the brink of throwing my hands in the air and running away to never, never land (I’m serious). Basically, I’m a mess.

I suppose I’m just confused as to why so many people care that I haven’t been blogging. Maybe you like reading my crazy thoughts and laughing, and have been starved for entertainment lately. I’m just trying to say that I really don’t have anything figured out, this blog just illustrates my attempt to figure it all out. It by no means has any validation. I don’t really know how to explain, but this one scene from Gilmore Girls keeps running through my head. I adore that show, I love everything about it, about the characters, the writing blah, blah, blah. But this one scene, when the girls are road tripping to Harvard because Lorelai is running away from her called off wedding, has always irked me. They’re listening to the radio and the anchor says something about a Hootie and the Blowfish marathon. And the girls wince. HEY NOW! I LIKE Hootie and the Blowfish. A lot. So, you know what Gilmore Girls? You’re not the end all be all, as much as I love you.

Everyone falters. As utterly awesome and envious of you I might be, I’m going to defend Hootie. Regardless of how much someone does right, they are still bound to do something you don’t agree with. As much as I normally have my shit together, sometimes I just really suck at this whole living life thing. And sometimes I need to be reminded about the purpose of it all, just so I can get my life back on track.

I was flipping through the book my mother made me for graduation. She had everyone in my family and my friends make a page for the book and then put the whole thing together and its awesome, just like her, and that’s about it. So, anyways, I found the page my one uncle made. He’s a pretty smart guy. Successful at work and at home. And it was only after reading his advice that I realized I had veered off course. That I was forgetting the most basic life lessons, which was unfortunate since they are applicable to pretty much everything that I’ve been dealing with lately.

These are my Uncle Rich’s rules of the road, as he put it. I hope you like what he has to say, because he says it a lot better than I ever could.

“You can have anything you want. You just can’t have everything you want.”

So life is about choices. He’s right. I know I’m capable of practically anything, but that doesn’t mean I can have it all. Everyone has a limit, and that doesn’t mean they aren’t challenging themselves, it just means its physically impossible to get everything you want. That does not mean you are a failure, only that you have to chose what matters most to you. Oh, and guess what? You could also chose items a, b and c, but maybe items a, b, and c don’t want you. And guess what? That’s life. You can’t take it personally. It sucks and I’ve learned that all too well, but that’s just how it works. That’s when you need to choose to not let it bother you. You have to have the mentality that they’re

I’m relearning that now with my journalism crisis. I want to do both magazine and PR and guess what, it’s just not going to happen. I have to choose. It’s not defeat its just how it goes. I can either stick with the path I’m on, or switch and put myself through hell and have something to show for it by the time I graduate. I have to choose. Normally I’m fine with choosing, I enjoy my freedom to live my life on my terms, but every once and a while I wish I could just know what the better choice is. I guess it’s the fear of regretting my choice that’s holding me back, even though this is not life or death. Yet when you’re 19 and your whole life is in front of you every little (or big) decision seems monumental and life changing. Maybe because in that brief speck of time it actually feels like it will matter for the rest of your life. But the major decisions that will actually matter are the ones that are going to blindside you some random night at four in the morning.

2. “If someone aggravates you it’s because you let them.”

So you are in charge of you. Don’t I know this one all too well? I’m quite good at not letting certain things get to me, but I need a reminder on this one. Especially lately, its becoming harder to ignore people who are inept at respecting others. It is unbelievably frustrating to have people spread rumors or belief the false as fact, but I can’t control what other people believe. Do I think its pathetic? Oh, absolutely. Am I still trying to understand why people care so much about what I’m doing with my life that they have the need to talk about me every other second. Yes. All it proves is that others lead a sad existence if they think gossiping is an activity that can be put on a resume. Honestly, its tasteless and just plain rude. Take up knitting. Or maybe yoga. Fly fishing perhaps? Or maybe focus a little bit more on your life and lot less on mine and you’ll be happier with who you are and won’t find the need to make up lies about someone else. Just a thought. But truth is, I can’t control all of these random other people who fester on gossip, I’m a little too busy having a life. I’m just going to keep being me, because as much of a mess as I might be right now, I’m still a good person and I know the truth, and that’s really all that matters. I just hope that people look at what they are doing to their own character while they’re off trying to tarnish my reputation. You can no longer bug me, because I won’t let you. I have never done anything to deserve the backlash I’ve been receiving, but that’s not my problem either. If people don’t want to take the time to learn the truth about someone then they are the last people I will go out of my way to try and fix things with. It’s college. And I’m a grown up. Drama and gossip were for high school. And I’m done caring about people who don’t matter.

3. “There is only one real goal in life, to have fun.”

Because we need a reason to be and in the end all else won’t matter. I wish people had more fun. I wish I had more fun. Because when these four years end, they end. And it’s the real world for the rest of life. I stress and worry too much about not making a certain club or getting rejected for something…why? It does not mean I am not good enough, it just means I wasn’t right for the position (or I was and they were too stupid to realize it). Because my uncle’s right, at the end of it all, all that matters is that you enjoyed yourself. And if you are not having fun in everything that you choose to do, then what are you doing? And if people are going to judge you because you are having fun, then who cares? People who actually enjoy their lives and are having fun don’t care what others are doing. Obviously its college and I’m not going to have fun spending entire afternoons reading, but the things I choose to do should always be fun. I shouldn’t bog myself down with so many activities just to pad my resume that I no longer enjoy what I’m doing. It’s not the point. And I won’t be happy. I like to surround myself with people who have exciting, interesting lives of their own, because it makes for much more interesting and exciting nights out (or nights in if you live in the bunny annex!)

I shouldn’t have to apologize for enjoying my life because it makes others jealous. The point is to enjoy who you are and what you are doing, and if you’re not, then reevaluate your life, don’t set about trying to ruin the life of someone else that you only wish you could have. I think people be a bit more selfish. They should spend more of their time trying to figure out who they are and the type of person they want to become instead of idolizing their peers. No one is perfect. And no one gets everything that they want. It might seem that way, but everyone is dealing with their own problems and issues, and some are a lot bigger than you could ever imagine.

That is all I have to offer to you. I know they aren’t even my words of wisdom, but I think they should suffice. In fact, I plan on trying to remember them a little bit more lately, especially the last, because I think I’m losing the point too much. Look, my Uncle is extremely successful, in every sense of the word. And one semester during his college years the only class he passed was billiards. So perhaps he knows a thing or two (not that I would ever fail a class) but maybe I need to reassess my life, and maybe, just maybe, let my priorities get a little crooked.