I always seem to get defensive when people let fear stop them from taking risks. After all, doing what scares you the most results in happiness and a better-defined sense of self. It is people’s perceived fear of failing which prevents them from just taking a risk, listening to intuition and following it. Even if one fails, one is not destroyed. Failing is not the end of your life; it only helps to cultivate it. Fearing failure is useless and self-deprecating. Of course no one wants to fail but trying to avoid it will leave you with a life full of “what ifs?” Personally, I’d rather have failed then have never have tried at all and besides, failure almost always yields success in the end. I believe the phrase goes something like “ You live and you learn?” To live is to make mistakes, take risks and yes, to fail. You don’t learn shit by sitting by and living a safe-rulebook life. Your risks can always become your biggest pay off because with every failure, even more so then with every success, you learn something about yourself. You learn your weaknesses and your strengths. You are humbled as you make mistakes and you learn your limits, or rather you realize that you shouldn’t have any. Fearing failure is in and of itself the greatest failure, is it not? Because you’re failing to realize your potential, failing to let your intuition triumph over your fears and failing to put faith in yourself. To not try, to not risk and to not dare because there is a potential of failure is my biggest fear. I dread the day when I let a fear of failure enter my mind and heart. I genuinely don’t fear failure, because failure is not the equivalent of a dead end, it usually just leads to a different path with a new beginning and what could be more of a learning experience than that?
Yet aren’t I the biggest hypocrite when I’m petrified to just start a blog? Something about sharing my thoughts with the world frightens me, perhaps because if people read them they would start to understand me, or at least think that they do and to be quite blunt (ha ha) I’m not so sure I’m ready to let others get that close. I have been putting this off for years. Especially lately, I would constantly make excuses to myself that I wasn’t interesting enough, that my writing wasn’t good enough or that no one would care enough to even read my blog. I think deep down the truth is I feel exceptionally vulnerable sharing my writing because it is something that defines me. It exhibits talent (or lack thereof), what I’m really thinking and feeling when I sit by and politely smile, what I regret saying when I should have sat back and just politely smiled, and more importantly and simply; its my way to express myself. And although I have never had a problem utilizing writing to help me clear my head and organize my thoughts, I find myself having a problem letting others read my writing. Maybe I just have a problem letting people in, afraid that they won’t like me or they will lose respect for me. Yet I know that people are going to judge me no matter what I do, might as well be judged for making decisions I believe in with all my heart. So this is my declaration of confidence and banishment of fear of failure. I have a pretty good grasp on who I am and the person I want to continue to strive to be, and I’m ready to let the world witness it all through my honest, raw emotions and thoughts. So I’m starting this blog to share my life with others, but in the end it’s really just a tool to solidify my sense of security and self-confidence. If others want to take a peek into the goings on of my heart and mind, then I’m happy (ish) to let them, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that sharing my writing with others is honestly just me taking a risk and killing any shred of self-created fear more so than my desire to share my every thought with the world via the internet.
If you can respect that my intentions in making this are actually quite selfish and not an attempt to impress, please, entertain, or cry for attention from others then feel free to delve in (good luck, I’m not sure what you’ll find). And if you plan on reading this without an ounce of respect and find the sadistic need to judge and criticize then I still invite you to keep reading, after all that’s the point isn’t it; to not let the fear of other’s opinions keep me from trying? I’m being honest, open and raw. If you think I’m a failure, fine. I can sit back and smile because this post alone has proved you wrong. All the while letting me conquer fear while happily writing away at two in the morning curled up in bed. Mmm... success?
